Things NOT to Say to a Couple Trying to Conceive

Astroglide TTC™ sponsored this blog post. The opinions and text are all mine.

Trying to conceive is a fun experience, as most adults know... but when you've been trying for a while- there are just some things that people with infertility have to deal with that other people don't. When you're struggling to understand why body parts that should be working aren't working perfectly, it's a complicated thing to explain.

If you've been on the internet lately, you may have heard about the woman's sonogram post going viral on facebook. In the post, she reveals that she isn't pregnant and she talks about the reasons people should stop asking other people about having children.

Unlike most viral posts now-a-days, I actually agree with most of what she said, like you shouldn't assume that the young married couple who's been together for a while just isn't trying.

The main reason I agree with this statement, is probably pretty obvious: That couple is us, married at 19 & 21, together since high school,  no kids yet but remaining hopeful and still trying! So when a complete stranger asks when we plan on having kids, I'm not sure whether I should let the tears well up in my eyes and tell them our story and what our doctor is saying. Should I reveal that we are using a sperm-friendly lubricant like Astroglide TTC™? Should I go into the details about how the lubricant helps sperm travel? Should I share how I'm already taking prenatals to help up our chances?

Should I tell them all about our journey thus far or should I just smile and say "someday soon"? Either way, I'm left in the middle of a store, a church, a family function, or wherever the stranger  asks with the aching reminder of what I don't have yet... so yes, please stop asking strangers when or if they are going to have children, it's just not okay.

On that note, I wanted to share a few other things not to say to someone who is trying to conceive:

1. "Oh, just relax!" may possibly be the worst thing to say to someone who is TTC. While it may be decent, honest advice - it appears as if you don't grasp the concept of medical issues. Relaxing is a great thing to do but please don't tell me that all I need to do is relax and it'll happen. I've relaxed and relaxed and then relaxed some more and I'm certain that a lack of relaxing isn't the reason we haven't conceived...

2. "We got pregnant without even trying..." and I'm so happy for you, but please don't rub it in. It may sound selfish to have a list of things not to say to me, but this is truly one that I am sick of hearing and it must stop today. If you're expressing a statement in response to a question, then by all means reveal your conception story - otherwise, keep it to yourself, please.

3. "I'm so fertile, I...", anything following this statement is just not cool. While I'm happy for all of those that aren't struggling with infertility, no one with the inability to do something wants to hear about your ability to do it. Consider walking over to someone in a wheelchair and saying, I'm so fast, I could run a million miles and my legs would still work. This is about the equivalent of expressing how fertile you are to someone who may not be as lucky as you.

4. "In God's Time...", while I understand that this is supposed to be comforting - it's simply not. What if someone told you that God was responsible for the most painful experience in your life, that's basically what's implied when something is said along these lines. Babies are a blessing, I totally agree, but let's not blame the man above for me not being able to get pregnant, it may be in his time, but let's just not say anything so offensive when someone is dealing with infertility.

Now that I've shared a few things NOT to say to us guys and gals on the TTC team, I'd love to hear the worst piece of TTC (or parenting) advice you've ever gotten... because sometimes bad advice is so bad, it's good. Tell me all about that tid-bit of advice in the comments below!


Astroglide TTC™ sponsored this blog post. The opinions and text are all mine

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